Just give me 15 seconds…

That’s what my good friend, Joe Amoia, “TheSmarter Dating Guy”, tells me. He says that when he’s consulting with a woman about dating, all it takes is 15 seconds on the phone to know if he’s able to help her or not. Some women, those who have no interest in changing their ways or taking advice, no matter how much anyone tries, just can’t be helped – yet.

I find the same thing during my coaching sessions. Unfortunately, however, one I did recently took almost five minutes into the call before the telling words came spewing from her mouth. “That’s just the way I am”, she said, as if I was supposed to work around that ‘minor’ issue, and fix her problem anyway.

My thoughts: Presumably, you wouldn’t be talking to me or looking for advice if you were 100% happy with your life the way it currently is.

What I actually said: “If you continue to stay the same, and continue to do what you’ve always done, you will continue to get what you’ve always got. Are you happy with what you are getting from life, and the position you are currently in?”

I don’t even have to tell you that her answer was a resounding ‘no’. Yet she was unwilling to change ‘the way she is’. Sorry, can’t help you. There is just no way to help someone who is unwilling to change.

We can take this a bit further. We can’t solve our problems if we are thinking on the same level as when we got into them. We have to think at a higher ‘frequency’, or on a higher level. Let’s look at an obvious example when we know we can’t think clearly – when someone is intoxicated by alcohol. A lot of people get in trouble when they are operating at a thought level of being drunk. It isn’t until becoming sober that you can start to solve the problem you got yourself into when you were drunk. When you try to solve your problem, still under the influence of alcohol, you tend to create more problems for yourself.

The people around you can see this quite clearly. They are operating at a much higher thought level, and you are literally moving, and thinking, much slower. Sometimes the difference is almost comical. Unfortunately, when we are talking about success or failure in life, the results are not comical. The level we are thinking on will dictate a happy and fulfilling life, or a life of misery and disappointment.

Before you can even get to the higher level to think more clearly and solve your problems, you must first be willing to change what you are currently doing if you want something different in your life. Remember, ‘insanity’ is simply doing the same thing today as you did yesterday, yet expecting a different result tomorrow.

Gold Nugget for the day

You've gotta have at least a few clouds in your life if you ever want to see a beautiful sunrise.

Have all the colleges closed?

One of the most redundant statements I hear on a regular basis is, “I’ve always wanted to…”

You can fill in the blank with anything you can think of.

I was talking to a friend the other day about the book I’m currently writing. At some point in the conversation he said, “I always wanted to take a writing class.” The first thing I wondered was if I had miraculously missed the memo saying all the colleges, and anywhere else offering writing classes, had closed. Does no one provide education past the age of 22 anymore? Once we graduate from college are we no longer allowed to take any continuing education? Is it a one shot deal, and once we stop going to classes that's it?

“I was gonna go to college.” “I always wanted to take a writing class.” “I should take CPR.” Well then, but what?! Life got in the way? Isn’t what you always wanted to do, or what you know you should do, a part of life?

Then there’s the guy who say’s someone is lucky to live in San Diego, or Carmel, California. Why is someone lucky? You can pick wherever you want to live! You live in the place you want, and you’re doing what you want, because the choices you’ve made have placed you in the position you are currently in, for better or for worse. And the choices you’ve made are what you want to do whether you admit it or not - because we all do what we want to do. We may know we need to make certain choices for a certain outcome, but the choices we make are the ones we want to make.

All actions have consequences. We all get to choose our actions, but we don’t get to choose the consequences. This doesn’t mean that it doesn’t matter what actions we take. It means that there are smart actions and dumb actions.

You can make the choice to murder someone, but it will be a jury, not you, choosing the consequence. You can make the choice to travel 70 mph down a residential area in a neighborhood, but you don’t get to choose how it will end. You can choose not to go to work tomorrow, but you don’t get to choose whether or not you have a job the following day.

There are a lot of people with regrets because they would have made different choices had life not gotten in the way. There are a lot of people who could have done something different with their life if only they had better circumstances. There are a lot of people who die knowing they should have made different decisions.

Wouldn’t your life be more enjoyable if you actually did the things you’ve wanted to do? What’s stopping you? You! The only person you need permission from is yourself.

Are you a ‘woulda, coulda, shoulda’ kind of person? Or are you going to live the life you want, with no regrets?

Got a problem sitting next to a guy in a bra and panties?

Apparently US Airways doesn't mind seating him next to you.

This one can be another topic chalked up to the slow destruction of the United States, due to the widely accepted, and devastating results, of our new 'politically correct' society.

Everyone's fear of offending someone else, even though it's occasionally the right thing to do, has created a society of wimps afraid to do what's right.

The article I just read talks about a man dressed in women's panties, a bra, and thigh-high stockings, who boarded a US Airways flight from Ft. Lauderdale, to Phoenix. No one working for US Airways asked him to cover himself, or get off the plane. According to a US Airways spokesperson, their policy is that anyone can fly as long as their genitals are covered. She said, 'We don't have a dress code...if they're not exposing their private parts, they're allowed to fly.'

I, for one, do not want to be seated next to this guy exercising what is no less than moronic judgement. I don't want my leg to touch this guy, and I wouldn't have any interest in seeing anything like that - especially trapped only inches away, on a four-hour flight.

The American civilization is declining at a dramatic rate due to the current generation's seemingly only motto - not to make anyone feel uncomfortable, welcome diversity, and let anyone do anything they want without judging.

There's no question when we use our god-given brains and common sense, that this case severely crosses the line of public decency. Other business have dress codes indicating things like, 'No shirt, No shoes, No service'.  Surely US Airways could implement a policy similar to these if they desired. I don't think too many people would argue with, 'Cover your *ss, or you don't get a seat'.

While some people will publicly argue that this is o.k., I don't think most of the population actually thinks that way. And I don't think most people would actually want to sit next to this guy. I think the biggest problem is that people are too fearful of hurting someone else's feelings by speaking up when they should.

If someone dressed this way wants to sit next to me on a flight, you better believe I'll be asking the flight attendant to seat him next to someone else. Hopefully my move will make everyone else bold enough to do the right thing, and presumably if no one wants to sit next to this guy, it will send a strong message to US Airways, or any other airline moronic enough to have a similar policy.

For those of you who are a bit squeamish about doing the right thing for fear of offending, here's the line I use to decide where I feel it's o.k. to voice my opinion - if it is something physical about a person that they have no control over, it's off-limits for comment. That's it. If it's something the individual chooses to do, causing others to be uncomfortable or inconvenienced, it's fair game. I don't cut on people, but the moronic actions people take are fair game for my big yap all day long.

Have you trapped yourself in?

As I was leaving my house the other day, opening the storm door I noticed a huge spider between the window and the screen. It had an elaborate web made of what looked like a combination of tubes and regular webbing that it could navigate practically from the bottom of the screen to the top.

The odd thing was that this spider was so large, there was no way it will ever be able to get out – unless someone opens the window, allowing it to escape, which I’m sure it probably would avoid, for a number of reasons that I'll get into later.

I realized that this is a real good comparison to a lot of people’s lives.

When we are growing up, or as we meander through life, we put ourselves situations where we don’t look at the big picture, and where we will be years down the road because of our decisions. Undoubtedly, the spider placed itself in between the screen and the glass when it was quite small. We too, often grow into a situation that we couldn’t get out of, even if we tried. Our web has gotten so large, and we have accepted where we are at for so long, we feel there’s nowhere to escape.

This spider has another problem - now it is at the disadvantage of where it placed itself when relying on it's food source. What it must eat now has to be smaller than the size of the little squares in the screen, making it a lot harder to get what it would have, if it were outside the screen. In the normal environment it would get large flies, and other insects, with much less work. It now has to hope things work out, and that enough small bugs decide to wander in.

Unfortunately, when someone ‘opens the window’ to allow the spider a way out, it will cower back in its comfort zone, too afraid to leave. Instead of taking advantage of the opening, it runs away scared, choosing to run the other way, deeper into it's confined life, to remain in the same spot where it's going to die. 

This is similar to a lot of people. When a door opens, they refuse to go out into the world where they would have a much better chance of having a meaningful, useful, and enjoyable life. Instead, like the spider, they will remain in their confined, mediocre, and often miserable life, knowing that it won't get any better where they are at, and they remain, just waiting to die.

Hopefully you're different, and when you find that the window or door has been opened for you, you won’t hesitate. Take that opportunity to escape from a life of misery, to a life of opportunity!

Why I Don’t Care About What You Don’t Agree With

I was in the airport traveling from Philadelphia, on my way to Minneapolis. I was hungry for breakfast. I was at gate D9. There is a buffet-style restaurant right near this gate. I’ve been here before and I knew they had what I wanted for breakfast. Most airport and ‘travel’ food is mediocre, but as most goes, this was my first choice that day.

As I entered the line the girl employee looked at me. Apparently she didn’t know our language, or simply thought she didn’t need to talk. Either way, this must have been her way of saying, “Good morning. What can I get for you?”

I thought when I ordered, I’d try the same method communication that she was using – none. I found that to not work very well. We both just looked at each other for what seemed to be an eternity. Since I knew by now that she had either no communication skills, or a huge case of attitude-itis,  I decided to brake the silence by verbalizing my order in the form of, “I’d like the bagel with egg and bacon please.”

She responded by handing me a pre-made biscuit with egg and sausage. I told her that wasn’t quite right and repeated my order. Her response was, “These are faster.” I told her I appreciated her concern, but speed wasn’t really an issue for me since I was on time that day and my flight wasn’t leaving for another two hours. She told me the bagel I ordered would have to actually have the ingredients put on it by her, and then cut in half, by her, making it take her more time.

Now that I realized this was another typical slacker, (who would have found herself out on the street had I owned the joint) only concerned about her time. So I politely informed her that what I ordered was right there on the menu, and that is what I would like. She responded by telling me, “Well I didn’t make the menu and I don’t agree with it.” I told her it doesn’t matter if she agrees with it or not, that’s what I want.

There was another time I made an order elsewhere and was asked if I had the exact change because, “That would make it easier.” We don’t have to even guess for whom, but I can assure it didn’t have anything to do with making my (the customer’s) life any easier.

Welcome to the world of the entitlement generation where employees now think they run the business and can do whatever they want, and feel it is the customer’s responsibility to make their job easier – and still think they should get paid.

My prediction is that one of two things will eventually happen: 1.) Since this is the generation who will be owning the businesses in the future, we won’t have many places to patronize. Why? Because they obviously have no clue how to treat people. And 2.) This is going to result in no one patronizing them. And here’s the funny part. The people of that same generation who don’t want to do what’s required for success, still want (and expect) things to be done correctly for them.

This is good news for the majority of people who want to run a business in the future. Since the entitlement generation will do such a crappy job of operating businesses, this will make almost everyone else look better. And, the ones who simply do what it takes, will look like superstars compared to these bozos.

My particular choice is that whenever possible, confronted with such poor entitlement attitude and lack of effort, I will patronize another business that really cares enough to hire employees who really care. If all of us did the same, the owners would soon get the message, and the employees who aren’t willing to do what it takes will be right where they belong – walking the street, or in the unemployment line. It’s time to stop sanctioning this incompetence and start sending a message by patronizing the business owners who care enough to hire the right kind of people, invest in the proper training of new employees, and as a result, provide services and products worth purchasing, over and over again.

The power of habits

I know everyone probably puts their contact lenses in a little different. I put one on the tip of a finger, sprinkle it with the saline, then put the other side up on another finger, sprinkle saline on that side, then slip it onto my eye.

Repeat for the next eye.

The other day I was putting my contact lenses in my eyes. I noticed I was using different fingers to do this than I had originally started to use way back when I first started using contacts. I had been using these different fingers for a long time.

The reason I had changed was due to a worksite injury when I cut the tip of one of my 'normal' fingers I use for the contacts. The cut didn't heal for over a month. During this time - over 30 days - I had used the 'new' finger in the process. By doing so, I had established a new habit with the different finger, that I still use to this day.

It takes between 21 - 28 days of uninterupted repitition to establish a new habit that replaces another one. After this time, the brain actually 'rewires' itself, and changes, in order to view this habit as what you should now do.

We all have our routine, for instance, in the shower, that we go through. I start with washing what little I have left of my hair. Then I procede to steps B through H, or whatever. If for some reason I am daydreaming and miss washing my hair to start, then find myself on step B, my brain automatically goes to step C, then D, and so on, until I step out of the shower, only to realize later I didn't wash my hair.

So, what's the point of all this? We become a slave to our habits, which are the basis of our routines. We can establish bad habits that will put our life on automatic pilot to destruction before we know it, or we can establish good habits that make us more efficient and productive.

Simply beware that the small things you start doing are soon forged into chains you cannot easily shake. Establish the good habits that replace those you desire to lose. Soon you will see the fruits of your labor multiplied ten-fold, allowing you to concentrate on that which you desire, leaving the minor details to your automatic mind.